By Christian Martin

  1. Why am I here?
  2. Solitude, I dread solitude,
  3. This is what I fear,
  4. Pain of such magnitude,
  5. They said, Until death do us part,
  6. Never did say until I fell apart.
  8. My friends die around me,
  9. Their bodies no longer I see,
  10. Their voice no longer I hear,
  11. Their touch, I held so dear.
  12. I live in memories of things long time gone,
  13. I live in dread of things yet to come,
  15. I crave for their love,
  16. I crave to love,
  17. I crave for their care,
  18. Now it is so rare,
  19. I crave for their peace,
  20. And of life their release.
  22. In the darkness of night,
  23. I hear their calls, their calls,
  24. From them, I run in fright;
  25. They need me, I am sure,
  26. My heart I hear beats for them so pure,
  27. Or is it me, the walls hear the calls?
  29. I fear what I crave for,
  30. The pains are growing,
  31. Slowly but ever more,
  32. Is it age, is it AIDS,
  33. No one says, no one tells,
  34. This is why I'm so afraid.
  36. Solitude, Solitude,
  37. Will I die with you?
  38. Will you be my sole companion?
  39. Will you be alone?
  40. Will you come with pain?
  41. Be with that friend of yours?
  43. My friends, the day is near,
  44. The day you will hear,
  45. Again and for all eternity,
  46. My silent voice calls your name,
  47. Sing my love, my care,
  48. For all of you I crave.
  50. Open your arms to my battered soul,
  51. In them I will seek shelter from the storm,
  52. In their embrace, I will fear no more,
  53. Solitude, Solitude, you will have run your course,
  54. And forever lost the race against love,
  55. Pains in our memories shared, no further dreaded.

This poem is dedicated to Vern Josephson, who died on March 24, 2000. Rest my friend, your sufferings are over.

Copyright © April 24, 2000, Christian Martin