What happens when two lonely boys meet in a shopping mall food court?
Note: Explicit language and graphic descriptions in this chapter.
Josh was watching Bryan when he asked his question. He’d been feeling much braver than he expected he’d be, especially asking that question. But he asked it, then watched Bryan, worried about his reaction. His worry disappeared when he saw Bryan smile.
“When I’m with you like this, Josh, privately, talking to each other, our bodies touching, I get so horny it’s hard to think of anything else. Yeah, I want to do stuff. And I want to do stuff with you. As for being gay, I don’t know. When I see a cute guy, I think about him, and then wonder if maybe I’m gay. I imagine most guys do that. I don’t know, I’ve never spoken to anyone about that. It just feels natural to me, and I react like I do. Do you think most guys our age get turned on a little when they see a guy they like looking at, or am I the only one?”
“I do too, so you’re not the only one. But does that make us both gay?”
“I don’t know, Josh, but I don’t think so. I mean, sure, we might be. But I don’t think if you see someone who’s attractive and you respond to him, that that means you’re gay. I don’t feel like I’m different from most other guys. I’m not sure, but I just don’t think I’m different. But I’m just starting to be interested in other people this way, Josh. I don’t have much experience sorting it all out. Do you think you’re gay?”
“I haven’t thought much about it. Sex hasn’t been important to me or much a part of my life, but being gay is more than just sex. I think in some ways I’m different from other boys. Until I got to know you, I didn’t have a good friend to talk about stuff like this, and it was one of the reasons I felt I didn’t really fit in. Until I got to know you, I didn’t really have the feelings I have now, either. I got horny sometimes, but nothing like now. Being close to you makes me real edgy and tense, and I have to hide myself a lot. You noticed I was hard when we were wrestling, and on the bed together. You must not have noticed all the other times, or you were too polite to mention them. When I’m with you, or thinking about you, I feel different. Maybe that means I’m gay. I don’t know.”
“I think it takes more than that, Josh. I think you have a crush on me. I don’t think at our age that means much. Tell me something. Guys our age fantasize. You know, when we were talking about doing that thing before. Do you ever think about, you know, fantasize about, girls when you do it? And were you attracted to any of the girls you knew at Kennedy?”
Josh had to stop and think. After a moment he replied, “I guess I found some boys and some girls attractive. Nothing like I do you. I shouldn’t be saying this, huh? It’s just that, I like talking like this with you, being free and saying whatever I think and not hiding anything, not having to worry about hiding anything. I’ve never done that before in my whole life. I feel like I can say anything to you and you’re not going to be disgusted and think how dumb I am. I can’t ever remember feeling like that, that no matter what I say, you’ll still like me. That’s the greatest feeling in the world.”
“If you feel you can say anything, then why didn’t you answer my question?”
“Oh.” Josh thought, then blushed. “Okay, maybe it’s still hard to talk about some things because I never have and I’m just getting used to this. But I can answer your question. I don’t really fantasize. I just . . . .” He paused. Then, “Hey, this is difficult. It’s really embarrassing. I’ve never said I do it, admitted it, to anyone. You’re sort of taking it for granted. That makes it a little easier, actually.
“But, okay, I do. There. I said it. Amazing. I’m still alive! No lightning bolts! No dying of a fatal blush. I do it! I do! Okay. So now I have to give you a detail.” He paused and blushed again, but then, determined, he continued. “Here it is. I don’t fantasize. I just do what I do, and just think about doing that. And it feels good and I get all excited, and eventually it’s over, but I don’t think about anyone else, just how good it feels and how excited I am. Am I doing something wrong?”
Bryan laughed. “How would I know? You think I’m an expert or something? But I’ve read, if you fantasize only about boys when you do it, that’s one sign that you might be gay.”
“Well, I don’t fantasize about boys when I do it. But I don’t about girls either. Maybe it’s just that I haven’t had anyone to fantasize about.”
“Did you get any feelings about girls at Kennedy? Did you see any girls today at Taft that sort of gave you a funny feeling, a tingling or something?”
“Well, this is embarrassing, but when Cal was praising me, yeah, I felt something. I think she’s pretty, in an intense and offbeat sort of way. I didn’t get hard, but I felt something.”
“I think it’s way too early to worry about being gay. We’re 14. Wanting to do some things with me, and me kind of liking the idea, I don’t think that means we’re gay. I think it means we’re horny and trust each other enough to ask about doing things like that.”
“So you want to do things too? What do we do? And when? Just talking about this is making me, well, really excited! And eager.”
“Me too. But don’t we have to get dinner ready, and do homework, and all that stuff? If you want to do something tonight, maybe when it’s time for bed we could try something. Or maybe we could take a shower together. That might be fun.”
“I’m not sure I can wait that long. Knowing you want to do this too is making me crazy.”
“Josh, we have to get dinner ready. Your dad should be home any minute. I’ll tell you what. Let’s touch each other now, then leave everything else to later. Okay?”
Instead of answering, Josh reached for Bryan’s crotch. Bryan half rolled toward him to make access easier. Tentatively, Josh laid his hand on Bryan’s tented pants. He wrapped his hand over his erection, then squeezed gently. “Wow! This is so neat!” he gasped.
Bryan reached over and did the same thing. Josh squirmed when he felt Bryan’s hand on him. He’d never felt anything so stimulating.
After a minute of gentle squeezing and rubbing, Bryan said in a hoarse voice, “I think we should stop, Josh. Much more and I won’t be able to. Let’s leave the rest for tonight.”
Josh was breathing hard. He looked up at Bryan with real longing, then real regret in his eyes. Slowly, he pulled his hand away. Bryan slipped across the bed, then sat on the edge, his feet on the floor. Josh moved over and sat the same way next to him.
“Bryan, it’ll be embarrassing to stand up.”
“I know. But we need to go down stairs. Let’s just do it. If your father walks in, it’ll probably scare us enough that we won’t be like this any longer. Come on.”
With that, he stood. His pants were pushed strongly away from his body. Josh snickered, then reddened when he stood up and showed the same problem. Bryan smiled at him, then they both reached down to adjust themselves before they left the room, headed for the stairs.
They made it to the kitchen. Dr. Warren hadn’t come in yet, so Josh looked into the refrigerator, then started pulling things out. They were making chicken thighs cooked in mushroom soup and sour cream served over rice with a green salad, green beans and crescent rolls. It was an easy dinner to prepare, and going through the motions had the expected result. By the time Dr. Warren walked in the door, he had no reason to suspect the boys had been worrying about a personal problem only a few minutes earlier.
Over dinner, Dr. Warren was attentive to Josh as the latter described his first day at Taft. There was spirit and enthusiasm in Josh’s voice as he described his triumphs, and Dr. Warren was delighted. When Josh was through gushing for a moment, Dr. Warren looked at Bryan and said, “You’re responsible for this. You’re the reason Josh is so enthusiastic about school, more than I can ever remember him being. I want to thank you, Bryan. And Josh, I’m so happy for you, too.” Josh beamed. And blushed.
When dinner was finished and the boys had cleared the table and piled the dishes near the sink for Dr. Warren to attend to, Josh told his father they had homework and were going upstairs to do it.
When they got to their room, Josh closed the door. He turned to Bryan. “I can’t wait. The hell with homework. We can do that later.”
“I don’t want to wait either. Let’s get undressed.”
The boys quickly began removing their clothes. They were soon naked, standing before each other, their erections nearly touching their stomachs in their youthful excitement and eagerness.
“Let’s get on the bed, Josh.”
Josh pulled back the spread and upper sheet. Then they sat with legs crossed and their knees touching, facing each other. Josh was looking at Bryan’s erection, then finally looked up at his face. “What do we do?” he asked nervously.
“You have as much experience with this as I do. You keep treating me like I’m in charge here. We’re both the same here, Josh. I’m just as excited as you are. What do you want to do? I want to reach out and touch you, feel you. Is that all right?
Josh nodded, then reached out for Bryan.
They both found it amazing. They tentatively touched each other, then began fondling and stroking. They were both so excited that after only a few strokes, they both reached their peaks. Moments later, it was all over.
Josh was gasping for breath. He’d fallen forward and was clutching Bryan, his arms around him for support. Bryan was holding on to him for the same reason. Each had his head on the other’s shoulder.
When he had recovered a little and felt his strength returning, Josh pulled his head up and looked into Bryan’s eyes. Then he moved forward and kissed him.
Bryan was startled by the kiss, but almost immediately kissed back. They held the kiss for a long moment. Eventually, Bryan giggled.
Josh broke the kiss, looking confused. “What’s funny?”
“Something’s sliding down my chest and it’s tickling me,” Bryan said, and Josh looked and could see what he meant. He could also feel the same thing on his stomach.
Bryan got off the bed and found a box of Kleenex. He took a couple, handed them to Josh, then took a couple more for himself. They cleaned themselves off, and Bryan got back on the bed and lay down on his side. “Come here, Josh. Lie down with me,” he requested.
Josh did so, facing Bryan. Bryan took him in his arms, hugged him tightly, then loosened his arms and said, “I hope you liked that as much as I did. That felt great.”
“It was amazing. Much better than by myself. I hope we’re going to do a lot of that.”
“I think we will. It’s all new, and we have a lot to learn, a lot to try.” He was quiet for a minute, thinking, then said, “Josh, we also have a lot of other things to do, homework, teaching you to become the next LeBron James, cooking dinner, all your reading. I want to do this a lot, but I don’t want to stop doing the things that we like doing, and I don’t want you to stop being the really smart kid you are. You’ve always read a lot, and studied, and got all A’s. I don’t want you starting to think about me and fooling around and lose any of that. I’d hate myself if that happened. I liked what we did as much as you did, I’m sure. But we need to control it, not let it control us.”
“Right now, this is all I can think about, but I guess you’re right, Bryan. Even if I’d like to be entirely out of control. You know, what I like is, we can talk about this. I can see how it would be easy to do stuff and then feel embarrassed or uncomfortable, doing things like what we just did, if you didn’t know just what the other guy was thinking, but we can talk to each other. I don’t think we’ll be embarrassed, and I think we can agree on what to do and when to do it.”
“Thanks, Josh. I just don’t want this to get too important. It feels so good, and it’s so exciting, I think that could happen. I think we need to be in control. Right now, we should do homework. You’ve probably got some catching up to do, and I have my regular work to do. I’m not sure how much I’m going to remember, because I’m already thinking about having a shower with you later. I’m going to have a problem because you seem to be in my mind when other things should be. I can’t stop thinking about what we might do, Josh.”
“Good. I like that you’re thinking that. Sure you don’t want to do this again first?”
“I want to, but I think it would be easy to get carried away. I liked it a lot. It was way better than doing it by myself. I want to keep doing it, but I think we should go a little easy at first till we have a better idea what it’s all about. I hope that’s okay with you.”
“I want to do more right now, but I’m okay with it. I don’t think we should pressure each other if either of us doesn’t want to do something.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s that I might want to too much. Let’s just wait till bed time.”
Josh pulled him into a hug again, then gave him a quick kiss on the lips. “That’s fine, Bryan. Let’s get dressed.”
They dressed, then Josh opened the door before they started their homework. Josh had been given remedial work in some of his advanced placement courses. It was quite a bit of work, but he had till the end of the semester to complete it, so he didn’t feel any pressure. He was used to doing homework, and in fact had always enjoyed it in the past. Then, he hadn’t had the distraction of a very cute boy sitting close to him, the tip of his tongue sticking between his lips, his fingers unconsciously curling the hair on the side of his head, a vague frown on his face as he read his textbook. It was all Josh could do to keep his eyes on his own book.
Eventually, Bryan finished his work, closed his book, stretched, then set the book on the bed and looked up at Josh. Josh was watching him.
“Hey, you’re supposed to be doing your work. Not staring at me,” Bryan said, grinning.
“I finished what I needed to get done a half hour ago. I’ve been enjoying watching you. Did you know you frown and grimace and fidget when you read?”
“I do not! I just sit here and read. I don’t do any of that stuff!”
“Do too! It’s adorable.”
“I’m not adorable, either. What a horrible thing to say to a guy! I don’t think I like you any more!”
“Yeah, right! You ready for a shower?”
Bryan glanced at the clock. “I hadn’t realized it was so late. Yeah, it’s that time.” Suddenly he blushed. “You really want to take one together?”
“I’ve been thinking about it ever since you mentioned it. Damn right I do!”
“What about your father?”
“He can get his own shower.” When Bryan opened his eyes wide, then started laughing, Josh joined in. Then he answered the question.
“He won’t be upstairs till later, and I doubt he’d care anyway.”
“Do you mean he wouldn’t care because he wouldn’t suspect we’d do anything, or because it would be all right with him if he knew we were doing something? He’d have to care about that, wouldn’t he?”
“I guess I don’t know for sure, but he’s pretty open minded. He’s into Greek civilization and culture, and it’s still acceptable for men and boys to have sex together over there. It happens all the time; it happened in the B.C. years and it happens now. I think he looks on homosexuality as just a part of life. I’ve never heard him say anything different about it when it’s come up in conversation.”
“You two talk about that?” Bryan asked, shocked.
“We talk about a whole lot of things. But you know, what you said earlier? I’ve been thinking about that. I think you were right. I don’t think us messing around means we’re gay. I think being horny and being gay are two different things. You’re here right now, we like each other a lot, and we’ve never done anything like this before. It’s all new and exciting and sexy and a little dirty and it feels like nothing I’ve ever felt. I love thinking about doing something in the shower. I’m tingling all over. But I agree with you. I don’t think these feelings mean I’m gay. I liked kissing you earlier, and I guess that can mean I’m gay, but to me, it meant I felt really good about you right then, and about us being together, and it felt natural to kiss you.”
Bryan grinned at him. “Me too,” he said. “Now, I’m feeling this uncontrollable need to take a shower.”
The boys quickly stood and began undressing. When they were naked, they were sporting erections and grinning at each other. Josh opened the door and peeked out, then raced for the bathroom with Bryan right on his heels. They were both giggling.
In the shower, they washed each other, making sure everything was clean. On some parts they doubled and tripled their efforts, just in case. When they were both panting, Bryan suggested they step back out of the water, then reached up and adjusted the showerhead so it was spraying straight down, giving them more room. Then he took the soap and rubbed it across his lower stomach, then did the same to Josh, who giggled as the soap tickled him.
“Come here,” Bryan said to Josh, opening his arms. His voice was lower pitched than usual, and huskier.
Josh stepped forward, and Bryan hugged him. When they were together, Bryan first reached down and repositioned their erections so they were standing between them, then began wiggling, slowly sliding his soapy, slippery front against Josh’s. Josh’s giggles changed to gasps as the sensations quickly changed to outrageous sexual stimulation. He immediately wrapped his arms around Bryan so they could pull each other even tighter together. They began wiggling and sliding more frantically against each other. They found their members kept squeezing out from between their stomachs, and with frustrated laughter had to put one hand each at their sides to control this. Once that had been taken care of, the sliding against each other quickly brought their feelings to a fever pitch. In very little time, Bryan made a guttural groan, pulled Josh even tighter, increased the speed of his writhing and then exploded between them. This caused Josh to respond before Bryan had even finished. They had to cling to each other to prevent either of them from collapsing as their knees became jelly.
After several minutes, Bryan loosened his grip. He stepped back into the water, letting it cascade over him. Then he reached out and pulled Josh in with him.
Josh looked up at him, the water bouncing on his face. A grin spread across his face. “Bryan, that was the greatest, most amazing thing I’ve ever felt. I think I’m going to be feeling very dirty and needing lots of showers in the next few days.”
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